and you said cock pushups were impossible
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
