if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
