i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
