I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
