i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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