Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
