Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
