Welp...herpes.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
im holly from the hills drunk
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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