I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
