We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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