apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
