I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
