I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
