i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize