I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
