So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
