I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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