Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
