I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
