I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
