How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
