Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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