There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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