i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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