i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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