no, he came in my armpit
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
