I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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