That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
