That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
