you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
