Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
