What a fucking waste of an outfit
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she looked like the before picture.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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