found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
