I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
BRING THE BAGELS
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
