Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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