I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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