Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I use my feet as sexual weapons
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
