Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
