Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
