just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
