Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
