just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish i was in the wii world.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
