I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
