im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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