Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
