So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
