all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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