If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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