Sry I called you an 8
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
