i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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