So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
