i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
