Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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