Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
