Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
