I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize