My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
