Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
