I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
