he looks like a really good dad on facebook
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
