did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
