I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
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