I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
