Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
