so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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