Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
