I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
