Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
