I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
