Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
