moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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